


An End, Once and For All

by AndyAO3



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Character Death, I picked the "Destroy" ending, I'm not the first one to do it obviously, Major Spoilers, Multi, The ending needed some editing, because I'm doing edits to it, but at the same time not, if you know what that is, then you sorta know what's gonna happen, this is in fact a very sad fic, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:56:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2287559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndyAO3/pseuds/AndyAO3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no right answer, and Shepard is no paragon for picking the one that was only marginally less wrong.</p><p>ME3 ending extension and edit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leave No Man Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for this. If it makes you feel better, I cried while writing it.
> 
> First foray into Mass Effect ficcing, and probably only a brief diversion from my many DA fics that still need finishing. It won't be too long. Maybe a half dozen chapters at most. I'm working on the second now. 
> 
> Yes, I know how very Not Okay this chapter is.

_"All fleets, the Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."_

No, they couldn't. Couldn't just leave Shepard there. He was still on that thing. Shepard would never leave someone behind, he hadn't left Joker behind, why should they--

_"I repeat, disengage and get the hell out of here."_

Jeff shook his head and stubbornly began working on the string of commands that would swing the _Normandy_ back around towards the Citadel. To hell with the Reapers, they had to save Shepard. Because Shepard would've done the same damn thing for them, and he was a fucking hero, and all the peace he'd worked so hard to create would be for nothing if he wasn't there to keep it going, wouldn't it? The galaxy still needed Shepard.

The _Normandy_ still needed her Commander.

There was a gentle hand on Jeff's shoulder, but he shrugged it off violently - perhaps a bit more violently than he should've, since he felt the bones in his shoulder come dangerously close to popping with the motion, but he ignored it - and continued working. _No._

"Joker," Garrus said, his voice unusually soft, "it's time to go."

Jeff's eyes burned with tears in a way that they hadn't done since he'd lost the first _Normandy_ , and he bit his lip as he pulled his hand back from the interface. Garrus was right. If Jeff lost the ship and everyone on it for the sake of saving one man, Shepard would never forgive him for it. This wasn't the way to make up for being the cause of his death the first time around.

"Damn it..." Jeff whispered. Then he squeezed his eyes shut briefly, willed himself not to cry, and started putting in the commands to get the _Normandy_ as far away from the galactic superweapon as he could get her.

He might not be able to save Shepard, but he _refused_ to lose another ship.

\---

In the medical bay, Kaidan's eyes shot open when he felt the ship jump to FTL. _They're leaving Shepard behind_.

Something in the Major snapped at that realization; without thinking, he jerked upright and started moving to get up off the sickbed.

Vega and Chakwas were both in there as well, and both of them rushed over to try and hold him down.

"Whoa, hold it there, Tinkerbell--"

"Major Alenko, you really shouldn't--"

 _The hell I shouldn't_ , he thought angrily. With a surge of biotic energy and a pained, distraught roar that came from somewhere deep in his battered chest, Kaidan sent both Vega and Chakwas flying across the room like they were no more than ragdolls; Vega actually hit one of the VI-controlled robots so hard that the surgical arm snapped.

Then Kaidan ripped off the rest of the IVs and monitor hook-ups and began hobbling out of the medbay and towards the elevator, broken bones be damned. Times like these, he almost wished he were a more theistic sort of man, just so that he'd have someone to pray to for everything to turn out right.

 _Don't you dare die in the time it takes me to convince these bastards to turn this bucket around, Shepard._ Every step was agony, but he wouldn't let himself stop; people approached to try and do something about him, but the fact that he was fucking _glowing_ discouraged them from actually acting on their altruistic urges.

Shepard had promised. He fucking _swore_ that he'd be waiting. He wasn't allowed to die. He _couldn't_. Kaidan had tried to say goodbye and Shepard hadn't let him and _you can't just say shit like that to me and then go and get yourself fucking killed, you fucking bastard!_

He dragged himself to the elevator, and when he got in, he practically punched the projector for the haptic interface's display. The CIC was where Joker was, and if that brittle-boned little fucker didn't turn this damned ship around, Kaidan was going to rip out his spine and beat him with it.

\---

Jeff felt the ship shaking with the effort at keeping the engines at maximum for as long as he was. The _Normandy_ was straining to hold herself together, but holding together is exactly what Jeff was willing her to do. Because that shockwave his sensors were picking up that was _following through the damned mass relay_ didn't look friendly.

He wasn't going to lose another ship. He was the best pilot in the fleet and he was _not_ going to lose the _Normandy_ again. His fingers were working at light-speed, dancing along the haptic interface to keep ahead of the ship's various systems overloading themselves from the strain of what he was asking them to do. The engines groaned, warning notifications flashed in the corner of his eye to tell him _maximum temperature safety thresholds exceeded,_ EDI shouted a warning about the wave's proximity--

The shockwave washed over the ship, and EDI _screamed_.

There was no other way to describe it; it rang out through every speaker on the ship, that piercingly sharp and artificial tone, like all of a machine's parts grinding together at once played together with the sound of a classic antique dial-up net modem, at a volume so deafening that it made the sound clip badly.

Everyone on the ship reflexively clapped their hands over their ears, except Jeff; the sound caused his chest to suddenly tighten, forced a sharp intake of breath, and made him jerk his head away from the controls long enough to look over at EDI's mech body as it arched up off of the chair in a way that reminded him of rigor mortis, with her eyes wide open and her visor-display flickering.

" _NO!_ "

In an instant, Jeff was struggling to get up and go to her.

Garrus and Samantha both stepped up to hold him down by his shoulders, and he put what little strength he had into fighting them. "Let _go_ of me, you bastards, fucking _let go--_ "

By the time he had shaken them off - or perhaps they'd let go - the sound had abruptly ended and EDI had fallen back into the chair, limp and lifeless as a puppet whose strings had been cut, and Jeff knew that it was too late.

Not her. Please, not her. We'd just gotten it together, please, this war can take my family, it can take Shepard, but it can't take her, too...

"I... I'm sorry, Joker," Samantha said. She sounded like she was about to cry. _Fuck you. You barely knew her. **I'm** the one that should be crying._ And Jeff _was_ crying, with tears streaming down his face and every breath catching a little. He'd told Shepard to keep her safe. He'd never thought that he'd be the one to get her killed, instead.

Then the engines sputtered, and Jeff's display flashed a warning at him. After that his interface stopped responding, and his grief gave way to mounting horror. The _Normandy_ was careening through space along a flaky mass relay, and Jeff had no control over where she was going.

He swore loudly, hastily wiped his eyes, and activated his omni-tool so he could access the intercom.

"All hands, brace yourselves! This is gonna be a rough ride!"


	2. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try being able to walk after having a shuttle land on you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY DON'T KILL ME, HERE I MADE SOME MORE.

The shockwave rolled over the ship, over and _through_ Kaidan while he was still in the elevator, sending a jolt of pain through him from his implants and making his biotics flicker, and that was when he heard it: that _sound_ over the intercom that stabbed into his ears, shrill and terrible and gut-churning. Putting his hands over his ears didn't help, because it was too loud, and even if it weren't he could still _feel_ it reverberating in his skull.

It didn't let up until he was already staggering out into the CIC, at which point it cut off in a way that was jarringly sudden, but certainly a relief. A very small part of him that wasn't dedicated to _find Joker, strangle Joker, get Shepard_ wondered what might've caused that horrible sound, although he would have been willing to bet that it had something to do with that wave of energy that had temporarily screwed with his implants.

Every step jarred his broken bones further; just getting as far as Traynor's console was a chore, and by the time he got there he was reeling from the pain. He could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on, too, but that was at least something he had a bit of practice at ignoring. And he just _knew_ , as he leaned against the console and gripped the edge of it tightly to steady himself, that the crew was staring. They were used to Shepard's occasional lack of professionalism, but this?

He turned his head to eye the nearest one, one of the NCOs, and something in his gaze made her flinch. Maybe it was that he was still glowing.

"As you were," he rasped, and she hastily complied with a nervous _yessir_.

Then he heard Joker's voice over the com. Hearing it did nothing to calm his temper, but what the man had to say did make him pause.

"All hands, brace yourselves! This is gonna be a rough ride!"

That wasn't very professional either. And Joker, who understood why protocol was there and had even managed to stay by-the-book when he'd put out the first _Normandy_ 's distress call before she was blown to bits, sounded worse than Kaidan did. _Shit_. Strangling him might have to wait.

Now, Kaidan had spent a lot of time on ships. He knew the feel of a running engine, he could hear the hum of it in the bulkheads. In the past few months he'd become almost as intimately familiar with the new _Normandy_ as he had been with the old one. So he knew what it felt like when things started powering down.

Kaidan could hear the electronics flaking before he saw the haptics starting to flicker, for instance, and when the engine started sputtering out, he _knew_ that something was wrong. Straightening away from the console, he took a deep breath and stumbled his way past the galaxy map and down the length of the CIC, towards the front of the ship.

He nearly walked into someone going in the opposite direction. Someone with short dark hair, who was a few inches shorter than he was.

Someone who squeaked. "Oh! I'm so-- oh my God," Traynor said, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as she took in the sight of him and went a bit pale. "Major Alenko, I didn't--"

Kaidan grunted and shoved his way past her, cutting her off before she could start babbling. Before he could get very far, though, Garrus - where had he come from? Augh, Kaidan was out of it - was stepping up and blocking his path.

"What the hell are you doing up?" the Turian questioned.

"Doesn't matter," Kaidan replied quickly, ignoring that his consciousness was swimming a little at the edges. He was aware enough to know, though, that if Joker sounded that bad, it probably meant Garrus would be a better source of information. "Status report?"

Garrus gave him a sharp look, and what Kaidan interpreted as a frown. "Look, if you're not strapped down in the med bay, then take a chair and strap down up here. Preferrably before you _fall_ down."

Kaidan glared at the scarred Turian coldly. Like hell he was sitting down. "Shepard's not here to give the orders, and that makes _me_ the ranking officer on this ship, Vakarian," he said. Honestly, he'd probably be the ranking officer even with Shepard on board, but with the whole N7 thing... well, that and it was _Shepard_. "Give me a status report."

The Turian was unimpressed by the display. "Kaidan, you're about to keel over."

"Haven't yet. _Status report_."

Maybe Garrus was about to say something, but the Major didn't get to find out what that might be. Before the sharpshooter could open his mouth, the ship was rocked with a sudden bout of turbulence as some of the inertial dampening fields went offline. Kaidan almost lost his footing, and ended up staggering into the back of a nearby empty chair that squeaked under his weight. The console in front of it lit up at his proximity, but its interface was a jumbled mess; it almost seemed like it had gotten corrupted somehow.

Like a virus. Or a major error appearing in the code. What the hell was going on?

He pushed himself back up with a pained grunt, and shot a glance at Traynor, who was still there and watching the exchange with wide eyes. If Garrus wasn't going to pay attention to the chain of command, fine. "Status report," he said, giving her a look that was hopefully at least a little bit intimidating.

Traynor swallowed heavily, and nodded. So either he'd successfully pulled off the I Am Your Commanding Officer Damnit look, or she was scared of the fact that his biotics were still active... or she could just be feeling bad for him. "Erm," she began, "well. The Crucible was activated."

"I gathered that."

"A-and. There was a shockwave. Joker jumped into the relay to avoid it but it went _through_ the relay."

"And the shockwave hit the ship while we were in flight." Made sense. Explained why the systems were going haywire. Anything that was strong enough to do what the Crucible could apparently do would disrupt a ship's electronics. But, if it were just an EMP, then why was life support still working? Why was the grav plating still functioning properly?

Traynor cleared her throat. "I-it's not just that, sir."

_What_? Kaidan narrowed his eyes. "So what is it?" What could have happened that would have Samantha looking like she was on the edge of tears?

She bit her lip. Bowed her head. Kaidan heard Garrus sigh and mutter something inaudible. It looked like she was having to steel herself to say whatever it was.

But the specialist didn't get the chance.

It felt like the whole ship lurched as it came out of the relay. Kaidan lost his grip on the chair he'd been clinging to. Once he lost his grip, he also lost his balance. And when the back of his head smacked into the floor, a sharp pain lanced through his skull a split second before he lost consciousness.

\---

Kaidan wasn't sure how much time had passed when he woke up in the med bay. All he knew in those first few moments was that he had a headache, and that the ship had stopped moving.

He opened his eyes, and then shut them again with a groan as too-bright light from the emergency lighting stabbed into them. From a few meters off, there was a weak, low chuckle.

"That was some crazy shit you pulled, Tinkerbell." Right. Vega. "You're lucky you didn't die."

"Worth a shot," Kaidan said hoarsely, noting distantly that his throat felt like it was full of cotton. "Don't suppose we're back on Earth?"

Vega snorted. "Yeah, no. Sorry man." He really did sound apologetic, too. And maybe a little bit... something else. Kaidan was too out of it to place what that something else was, but he knew it was there, in Vega's voice.

Not that Kaidan didn't feel like shit, himself, but he felt he should probably say something. Shepard would've said something, right? So he sucked in a breath, and pushed himself up onto his elbows even though moving and breathing and _thinking_ all hurt like a bitch. Once he was sitting up, he could see that Vega was in a bed across from him, upright and awake.

And looking directly at him with raised eyebrows. "Pretty sure you shouldn't be moving so much."

"I've had worse." It's true. Kaidan's even pretty sure Vega's seen him worse. "Any word?"

Vega crinkled his nose. "From the fleet?"

"From Earth." He specifically didn't say _from Shepard_ , but the Lieutenant could see through him anyway; he could tell because Vega gave him this knowing look. It was not, however, a reassuring sort of knowing look, because it had just enough regret to it to make Kaidan feel a little sick.

When Vega shook his head, Kaidan couldn't say he was surprised. But he also couldn't deny that he was disappointed. "Sorry, Tinkerbell. No word from the Commander. Comm's down." The Lieutenant stretched lazily. "Last I heard, Traynor's working on it."

Kaidan slumped against the bed again, bringing his hands up to cover his face. _Shit_.

"Hey," Vega said after a moment's silence. Kaidan didn't look up. "I'm sorry, man. Really."

What a pointless thing to say. "S'not your fault," he said, voice barely louder than the steady beeping of the med bay's monitors. If the _Normandy_ and the mass relays were both damaged, then there was no way they would get back to Shepard in time to do any good; the only option was to hope that he'd still be alive when they managed to limp back to the Sol system once their FTL drive was fixed.

"Well, no, but... _Shit_ , man. You think it was easy to carry your ass outta there?" Kaidan pulled his hands away from his face and lifted his head enough to look at Vega; the Lieutenant was looking at him with a deep, pained frown. "You think any of us _wanted_ to leave?"

No, he didn't think that. "Not for a second."

"You think you're the only one who's _lost_ someone?"

Kaidan narrowed his eyes. "We don't know Shepard's lost."

"Yeah, right. And we hadn't found Esteban's body in that shuttle wreck yet either, last I heard. But you don't see me all broken up about that, do you?"

_Oh_. Once more Kaidan fell back against the bed. "...No one would blame you if you were."

Vega snorted. "We all knew what kinda shit we were in for when we signed up. You, me, him. And then Loco, well. He knew it better than anybody."

"So... what, then?" Just what was Vega trying to tell him to do? "You just, _turned off_ your emotions, I guess?"

"No, man. Compartmentalize that shit. Save it for later, when the ship ain't crashed on some fuckin' planet somewhere."

That strategy hadn't done so well in the long run for Shepard; Kaidan had been the one to see the Commander snap, had heard about him snarling at Joker in the cockpit. Had felt him wake up in the middle of the night after breaking into a cold sweat, seen the haunted look in his eyes. Had held him until he stopped shaking. Saving the breakdown for later had just made that breakdown worse when it eventually happened.

Kaidan didn't say any of that out loud, though. Because he knew that even while he thought of how bad an idea it was, he was doing a bit of it already, just by holding back long enough to not crack in front of Vega. So he took a breath, let it out, and pushed himself upright with a visible wince.

He steeled himself, and looked the Lieutenant in the eye. "Can you give me a status update?"

The ghost of a grin tugged at Vega's mouth; for an instant, the man looked almost proud. "Yes sir, Major Alenko."

Soon, though, that faint smirk was gone in favor of a grim sort of expression, as Vega launched into his explanation. And suddenly everything - the ship's systems going haywire and cutting out, the corrupted haptic interface, Joker sounding like hell, Samantha Traynor being a mess, that _sound_ he'd heard - made sense. Because from what they could tell, EDI was dead.

\---

No matter what happens, know that I love you. Always.

I love you, too.

Shepard's eyes shot open. He gasped for breath, but something in his chest caught and he fell into a fit of wracking, painful coughing that ended with an unpleasant tightness in his ribs and the taste of blood in his mouth.

But the... that _thing_ had been wrong. Yeah, his cybernetics were shot, and he was in the kind of rough shape that even Miranda and a small army of goons would have trouble putting back together, but he was _alive_.

Sprawled out on the floor of that massive chamber on the ruined Citadel, Shepard let out a wheezy laugh, turned his head enough to look at the Crucible device, and grinned. Then, with what felt like agonizing slowness, he lifted one arm up just high enough to feebly give the device an obscene gesture.

Of course, he passed out again afterward. But it felt _damn_ good to be able to do it anyway.

 


End file.
